How Could I Ever Love Me
by London-In-Love
Summary: <html><head></head>Dick wakes up a girl and he hates it! Can he be changed back in time? Transgender themes. Birdflash!</html>
1. Chapter 1

Hey so my last birdflash fanfic was deleted because it was an embarrassing piece of satanic shit. So I've written another one.

Please ignore the friendship between Dick and Babs if it bothers you that much. I promise not to focus on it too much.

**GENDER PRONOUNS WILL CHANGE TO SHOW PROSPECTIVE OF HOW DICK SEES HIMSELF AND HOW OTHER PEOPLE SEE HIM.**

I don't own the obvious so enjoy and review.

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><p><span>Chapter 1<span>

_Mmmnn. Woah... I... I feel strange. _

"AAAAAH-gasp! AAAAAHHHH! AAALFRED!"

Dick examined himself in his bathroom mirror, and what happened!? Large orbs of fatty tissue had appeared on his torso, and his voice! Why does it sound so soft!?

Is everything alright, Master Richard? Is there a young lady in your room? Is she alright?"

"Alred, look! There's something wrong with me!"

His butler slowly opened his room door to see what was the matter.

"Wait! No! Don't look!" Dick quickly shut his bathroom door that led to his bedroom.

"Master Richard, is that you?"

Dick held his arms against his chest to hide _her_self from Alfred who slowly opened his door.

"Well, this is...quite unusual."

"Unusual? Alfred look at me! I have Boobs!"

"Are you sure it's not more than just breast Master Richard? Have you, erm, checked down there?" He said ever so innocently.

Dick hesitated, and pulled the waistband of his sweats back to find a lack of man between his legs. He screamed again at the sudden changes.

"Alfred! What am I going to do? I can't live like this!"

"Well Master Richard, you could start by putting a shirt on," Alfred's gaze was turned over his shoulder as Dick threw his arms over his chest again. "Then we can discuss with Master Bruce about this"

The old butler left the room as Dick put a baggy t-shirt on. He usually slept in just sweats. Did girls do that too. Or do they sleep with no pants and just a shirt? He looked in the mirror again examining his face. He really was a girl! Even his hair had grown longer. Dick frowned wanting to chop it off. But his lips were fuller and his eyelashes were longer too. He splashed water on his face only to find his features were still girly.

Another wave of panic hit and Dick screamed again as it all set in.

"My body is a girls!"

"That seems right. As plain as the globes on your chest." Bruce exclaimed

Dick blushed furiously "Bruce! What am I going to do? I can't live like this!"

"You're going to get ready for school for now. I'll run some tests and see what may have caused this."

"Bruce! I can't go to school like this! My reputation will be ruined!"

"Well you'll just have to get along for now, hurry up."

Dick dragged himself to get put together. He binded his breast back under his uniform to make his shirt fit. His hair was so thick and long, it kept tangling when he tried to brush it.

"Would you like some assistance, Master Richard?" Alfred offered standing in the door way.

"You can try!"

Alfred took the brush gently at the bottom untangling the mess of hair. He split it in two segments, braiding it over his shoulders and putting yellow ribbons at the ends.

"There you go, so it doesn't get in your way."

Dick was amazed how easily he got the tangles out of his hair but he tossed his hair behind him and brushed his bangs back trying to look as normal as possible.

Now he just had to get thorough the day. It was only school, and this body isn't permanent... he hoped.

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><p>Fist class that day and the teacher scanned over the room making a mental attendance list.<p>

"Young lady?..." Dick didn't know his teacher was addressing him. He walked up to Dick staring into him. "Young Lady, are you in my class?"

"Um, yes. I sit here every day." Dick was feeling nervous. There was no was he would buy it. "Richard Grayson, sir." He showed the teacher his school ID.

"Is this a joke?"

"N-No? I just kinda woke up like this."

"Young lady, I think you should be seen in principals office."

Dick was taken back. It would have been better to come off as a new student. He hesitantly got up and left the room. He could already hear the murmuring and rumors that were starting. He was ruined!

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><p>Alfred got a call that morning about the situation. He had confirmed that it was in fact Dick and explained the situation as best he could. The vice principal looked at the young girl skeptically and sent him back to class obviously fed up.<p>

Dick dragged down the hall with a note in hand. This was so inconvenient and embarrassing and he knew it would be all over the news.

He slumped back in his seat, catching a dirty look from the teacher. Kids around him were whispering quite loudly and giggling to him themselves. A boy behind him pulled his braids hard, tugging them back as if he was challenging a dog for a rope.

"Does this mean you were queer the whole time?" The boy whispered maliciously.

"Stop that! It hurts!"

"Why should I? You're not really a girl, so it's no guilt on my conscience!"

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><p>You would think that just because you went to a private school that there wouldn't be any bullying, but being in one set you up for more judgement. Because most usually, the parents of these kids are important people, which allows them to be arrogant on there parents accord. And if you're not like these people, you're outsiders. Dick was an outsider, an outsider because he was famous, because of his parents death, because he was associated with Bruce Wayne who was more important than any of their parents, but he was an outsider now more than ever. There has always been rumors about him, but this incident may be the worst.<p>

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><p>Dick met up with Barbara during their lunch period that day. She lent him a sports bra because the fabric wrap constricted his chest too much. His breasts looked slightly bigger and were visible now, but he was glad that he could just breathe. Babs laughed fondly of his situation.<p>

"I've always wanted a gal pal!" She exclaimed.

"Well don't get use to it. I'm either going to be back in my old body, or none at all!"

"Oh don't be like that! You could have alot of fun being a girl!"

"How!? My chest hurts! I'm suddenly really moody! And my hair keeps being pulled by mean boys! Babs, even if I do go back to being a boy, my whole reputation here is ruined. It won't be long before this ends up on the news and I'm going to be bullied constantly!"

"The boy wonder can't stick up for himself? How do you even get bullied? You? That's hard to believe."

"Babs you don't understand, I can't act like Robin here. If I could I would kick anyone's ass who makes trouble but things like that are complicated. Out of the mask I'm just... helpless. I just have to not cry because I can't be as brave as Robin is. Not here. It's too... risky."

"Oh, I didn't know. I'll always think your great though. I know how you really are and you're not weak."

Dick let gratefull smile show as the bell singled the end of period. He slipped in the restroom before going to class. Looking in the mirror, he tugged on his skin examining his features again. It wasn't him. This wasn't him. His own face was a strangers and it made him feel terribly uncomfortable.

Someone walked in the restroom after him. Dick looked up and realized:

"Shit, I'm in the wrong room." Dick whispered to himself and hung his head low before standing up straight and making his way out.

The other boy in the room pushed up him against the wall before he could leave.

'God damn it! It's _him_.' Dick grimaced as the boy from before who pulled his hair had grabbed the collar of his shirt.

"Where you going darling? Come to get a peek of some things?"

"Let go of me! I'm. Not into guys!"

"Or really? Cause what I see is a girl who just waltzed in the men's restroom, and no girl can resist what I have." He said pulling open Dicks jacket.

"Let go of me!"

Dick tried to push him away but he felt suddenly weak, as if he had a darastic loss in muscle mass.* The predator over him had pulled her shirt up along with her bra exposing her chest.

"Whoah, there much bigger than they look." He gave a menacing smirk taking a hold of one of her breast.

Dick gasped, struggling harder against his grasp. He tried to punch him but his arm was slamed back against the wall. Why is he so weak! He felt a hand slip down her pants and she was practically screaming!

"Hey! Shup up!" He slaped Dick hard pinchimg his nipple so that it hurt. "This would be easier if you wore a girls uniform!" He slipped his hand back down her pants taking a full feel.

Dick screamed again kneeing him in the crotch causing the boy to double over in pain as Dick escaped.

He ran in the opposite gender restroom fixing himself up. He felt a mess. Dick wraped his arms around himself feeling insecure and sacred. All those year of fighting face on with Gothams worst villains didn't compete with what he had just experienced. He'd been molested. Oh god! He'd just been molested in the worst places!

Dick missed the late bell sitting in the corner on hard tiles as he tried not to cry. He could still feel it and it felt disgusting. He shivered as waves of emotions washed over him.

"Dick, what are you doing here?"

"Baaaaabs..." he cried weakly.

"Dick! Whats wrong?"

"H-he touched me." He barely a whisper.

"Dick you've been called to the office. We've been looking for you for a while."

She helped Dick up who fell to the ground again. His knees were so weak. They didn't want to work.

"Dick who did this too you, I'll kick his ass." She held him up untill he found the strength to walk on his own.

He walked in the office of the vice pricipal and seeing his molester already there, he cringed and wanted to cry all over again.

"Well Grayson, I've heard you physically bullied this kid. Hm?"

"What! He molested me! I only hurt him after he groped me! It wasn't even my fault!"

"That's not what happened. She walked in the wrong restroom so I follow her in and grabbed her arm to stop her. My hand accidentally brushed against her breast and she freaked out kicked me in the groin."

"No! That's not right!" Dick was audibly crying now and his breath was short. "He fully groped me! He had me pinned against the wall!"

"I understand that you're upset, but even if what you said was true, you shouldn't have been in the mens restroom to begin with, since you're a lady now. Don't you think?"

Dick's jaw droped and he stood up quickly. "I've just been molested!"

"But we have no proof of that and you did kick this boy. We will not tolerate such violence. Your parents will be called and Dick, you will be suspended."

Dick fell back in his seat crying harder now as he hugged himself.

"If you're so upset, then maybe you should think of your actions before hand. Grayson, Howard, leave my office."

The other boy put his hand in mock comfort on Dicks back they left.

Dick grabed his hand and twited it back. "Don't you ever touch me again!" He spat.

"Woah! Someone's on their period!" He laughed and they went separate ways down the hall.

Babs hugged Dick close to her as he collapsed in her arms.

Alfred picked him up early after Babs called him and said what had happened. Bruce was still working but would be furious when he found out.

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><p>Dick took a shower scrubbing of his touch. His skin was red and the water was scalding, but it wasn't enough.<p>

He went and sat down in Alfreds small sitting room with the old man both dinking cofee. Dick's face looked pale and distraught and tired. This worried the old butler. He knew the young boy would not get over this easily despite being a usually optimistic boy.

"Al... I hate this body. It's disgusting! I don't want to live in it anymore..."

"Try to make the best of it, Master Richard."

"When is Bruce coming home?"

"Not untill late, you know how he is. He just worries me with the lack of sleep he gets."

"Do you think Bruce takes me seriously. It seems sometimes he dismisses me without really understanding."

"I know Master Bruce is working hard to help you. He may come off cold and distant, but I know he loves you. You're the only son he's had and I think you're good for him. He hasn't been out with so many women lately. Hardly any at all in fact. You've been his whole world."

Dick smiled subtly. He really cared for Bruce too. When he was by himself he would refer to him as his father, but Bruce didn't want to replace the one he already had. His real father was dead now. He would always be in his heart but Dick had moved on from that as best he could. Having Bruce there made him feel a bit more secure in his very insecure and unstable world.

"Al... I feel dirty!" Dick cried holding himself tighter. He couldn't be strong anymore. Not when he felt so weak.

"Maybe you should get some sleep for now. That coffee will only make you anxious."

Dick fell asleep in the chair he was sitting in only to have Alfred carry him to his room. The tired old butler sighed and sat down watching over the young boy for a while before returning to his study to await Master Bruce's arrival.

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><p>End ch 1<p>

*I'M NOT SAYING GIRLS ARE WEAK, I'M SAYING HE FEELS WEAK IN THE SITUATION! I DON'T MEAN TO BE SEXIST. READ THIRD CHAPTER.

I promise there will be birdflash in the next chapter! Review!


	2. Chapter 2

I'M IN THE MOOD FOR SOME **DADDYBATS!**

I don't own the obvious. Oh but if I did muahahaha!

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><p>Bruce walked in the door immediately going to see Dick. Alfred followed after him lingering in the doorway.<p>

He leaned over the sleeping boy taking his small hand. "Dick. My baby bird. I'm so sorry I couldn't be here for you earlier." Bruce whispered in deep voice.

Dick shifted, looking up at him. "Bruuuuce..." he started to whine, his face was distorted into a frown as if he was going to cry but his eyes were dull and hollow. He clinged to the sturdy body next to him and started shaking all over.

"Dick..." He pulled the boy in his lap, holding him tight and petting his head. "I promise he won't go unpunished. It'll either be settled in court or on the dark streets in the shadows." His tone became dark and protective.

"Bruce... I can still feel him...on me. It hurts..." The unmasked vigilante growled angrily at the situation.

How the hell could someone have caused his young boy to suffer so mich pain. Dick was strong and let nothing get to him. Seeing him like this just wasn't right.

Bruce ran a his fingers through Dicks hair and kissed his head. "I think it's time for a hair cut. What do you think Alfred?"

"Master Richard _is _over due fro a trim."

Dick smiled weakly at him but said nothing. He liked the extra affection Bruce gave him but it was just as foreign as his body.

He sat patiently as Alfred cut away at his long black locks. His head felt much lighter without all that hair weighing him down. Looking in the mirror again Dick wasn't so anxious now that he saw something fimilar but was too exhausted to be okay. Today was exhausting and the universe laughed so cruelly at him.

"Get ready for bed now. I'll patroll alone tonight."

"No, wait!" Dick caught Bruces arm and pulled it back with all the strength he had. "Please don't... don't go." His voice was small and pethetic. _He _was pathetic.

"Dick," He sighed heavily, pulling the trembling boy against him. "Dick, please."

"... I'm scared..." tears started to spill. He hated it. He was acting so weak.

Bruce carried the small boy to his bedroom and layed him down tucking extra pillows around him.

"I'll persecute who's responsible for this." He would go out that night; not as Batman but as Bruce Wayne, name-brand suit and breifcase. This wasn't street fighting, this was buisness. No crime could be as crucial tonight as what happened only hours ago.

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><p>Dick slept in the next day, (He was suspended anyways) and he didn't wake up untill late that afternoon. Even then he layed in bed scratching at his skin untill Bruce came home.<p>

Dick finally decided to get up for his limbs ached and needed to be stretched out. He went to his bathroom cleaning him self up a bit when he noticed his hair. It had grown back to it's long length. Dick got angry, punching in the wall next to the mirror. Well this couldn't be natural. Was it a curse? Who the hell would curse him like this! Dick went to Bruce who didn't seem surprised at all.

"Mmmm. I thought so" He mumbled to himself.

"What is happening to me, Bruce?"

"Later. Tonight and this week I need you with the team. If you can handle it."

Dick held his head low very gloomly.

"Dick, I need you to not be distracted. If you can't perform with a clear head-"

"No! I can do it. Heh, I just need to be distracted from..." Dick's eyes grew dark and his skin became pale.

Bruce pulled the hurt boy into his arms protectively. Thats all that he needed. Nothing more was said between the two as mutual feelings of content and security arose in both of them. These were rare moment of bonding that they both craved so much. The only feelings that weren't communicated through their silent 'bat speech', so they carried on neglected, hungry for the next time they could be sympathetic and physically close.

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><p>Robin zeta-beamed to mount Justice and collected with the team.<p>

Kaldur was the first to talk with him privately about the obvious occurrence. Robin had to explain the best way he could with out sounding crazy and leaving out unsettling memories. The Atlantian reluctantly understood and didn't question it any further, passing on the information to the rest of the confused team through silent looks that said 'Its Robin, he's okay.' Everyone caught on except Kid-Mouth who's brain works only half as fast as his feet.

No one discussed the elephant in the room untill Wally made his way in as loud as ever.

"Hey who's the new Robin babe? Did Bats replace the old one already? Sup I'm the Wall-Man" He said placing a hand around Dick's arm. Everyone shot him dirty looks which confused him even more.

Dick freaked out at the contact and flipped Wally over himself leaving the speedster heaving to catch his breath.

"Sorry Walls, I just uh, don't like to be touched there. You know, bruises."

"Rob?..."

"The one and only." Dick shot him a reassuring smirk although he felt like breaking down.

"You guys aren't punking me are you?" Wally said suspiciously.

"Robin had an accident earlier this week." Kaldur cut in. "We can discuss this further but for now we need to be prepared for Batman's orders."

"Dude, you're... hot!" Wally declared.

Robin just glared at him pulling his hair up into a ponytail.

Batman showed up half an hour later to brief the mission plans and for Kaldur arranged their plan of 'attack'.

There mission was simple: Covert and recon whithin a medical lab under Wayne Powers.

It's suspected that there's a virus being created unauthorized within the medical testing labs. The virus can scramble different DNA under a main program. Bruce suspects Dick's body is the result of this. If the main program can be changed, than the the virus can be used as a steroid for different results. A patern of the new virus has been seen in different parts of Gotham and nearby cities so the information must have leaked.

The teams job was to collect a sample and any data that suports the research. It was too easy not to fail. They couldn't for Dick's sake

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><p>Coordinates were put in the bioship. It was after dark and the labs should be closed. Guards were expected but it should be child's play.<p>

Wally pulled Dick off to the side whispering as not to share with every one through their telepathic link. If anyone would hear it would be Superboy, but he knew everyone's secrets.

"Rob, is that really you?" Wally questioned still in disbelief.

"Duh Wally. Just because I'm an attractive female now doesn't mean my mind isn't my own."

"But... it's just hard to take in. Everyone seems to be accepting it without a problem but, what happened?"

"Literally, I just woke up like this. I'm starting to suspect the virus."

"Wait, wait! What if you're an enemy spy? How would we really know if you're the real Robin passing off as fake lady Robin?"

"Bruce was sceptical too but tested me. My DNA matches up except my chromosomes are just... no longer male's. Even my hormones are different. Look, I don't want to talk about it, Wally. I've had a rough time like this. I feel like I'm lying to myself. I lie to the public all the time but when I can't turn off the facade, that's what scares me. I can't turn off this body."

"... But are you _really my_ Robin? How would I really know?" Wally said again scepticaly

"Did you hear anything I just said, Wally! You know what! You're 5'8'', you sleep with two pillows, one to hug, you're not allowed to sign up for track like you want, mostly because of your inflexible schedule as Kid Flash, contrary to popular belief you like vegetables and on your pizza too, cucumbers are your favourite, remember when you tattooed us with crayola marker, stupid faces from a vulgar web comic that a twelve year old kid wrote. Remember after that we threw our selves down the stairs and said "It keeps happening!" Dick made his voice especially low and leaned into Wally for this next secret, "You've had the same nightmare since you were 11 that you're being chased and you would loose your powers. You wake up crying and call me in the middle of the night. I'd sing to you and tell you funny stories." Wally's face went red and Dick smirked, knowing he got his point across.

Wally smiled sheeishy back at him. "Yeah... thanks by the way. I really needed you then."

'We_re pulling into our location. The bioship is camouflaged.'_ M'gann cut into their thoughts.

_'we know what to do then. Robin?' _Kaldur instructed.

_'Got it!'_ The bat-bird was the first to drop onto the roof making his way in to disable any alarms.

_'Artemis, stay with Robin, watch his back.'_

_'If I can find his back' _she grumbled to herself.

_'Superboy and Miss Martian, stay out here and handle any security. Kid Flash and Zatana will come with me to retrieve the virus' _They nodded, deading off in their directions.

_'Systems down! I've got their files. Just like Batman said. It's a programmable virus. The lab has only tested rodents with it to affect it's rooted DNA. They've tried to change the animls species all together. Test results all ended in death...I've just sent a map to the buildings flooring.' _Robin called out from a inside.

Kaldur pulled it up leading the two others in. They had gone undetected. Security seemed to be unusually weak. Turning a corner, a pile of guards were unconscious on the ground. Did Robin do this? No, he couldn't of had.

'_I think someones already in here!' _Kaldur exclaimed.

_'What do you mean? Now way they could have gotten through. The security detectors were still up.'_

_'I dont think they took them down. All the guards are unconscious in this area. Robin, did you see any guards on your way in?'_

_'No, I didn't. What are you saying?' _

_'We have to hurry. The virus could have been stolen already!' _

_'I'm pulling up camera footage right now-'_

"He-Hey! Not my research too!" A scientist ran in the room frantically. "You can't take my research too!"

"Whoah! Stay back!" Artemis warned with an arrow ready to shoot. "Who are you?" She questioned demandingly.

"You tell me! Why are you assassins taking my research? Who are you working for? I-I'm sure I could talk with your boss. Make him an offer-"

"Assassins?" Artemis said confused.

"You'd just sell of off a virus to anyone with a wepon in your face!" Robin stood up quickly, furious.

"Were not assassins!" Artimis yelled. "Were here for society's good so you better start talking!"

"Look ladies, I do what I have to! After I perfected this program I could get the funding I want! But I can't have the feds up my ass about this! The program is still very dangerous!"

"And illegal!" Robin cut in.

"Yeah. I got that! But you don't understand, if you're really here for societies good, then you would get that program back! It can't be used on anyone. It'll disintegrate a persons molecules!"

Robin's eyes went wide in horror.

"Who was the person you saw that took the virus!" Robin demanded.

"Program! It's a program, but a man in sports gear! He took it!"

"Tall and blonde?" Artemis questioned.

"Y-yeah, something like that."

_'Sports Master! You guys! Sports Master already has the virus! You need to stop him!"_

_'On it!' _Super boy and M'gann were on their toes waiting for him to make his escape.

The rest of the team made their way out. Kaldur had collected enough of the virus but they couldn't let Sports Master escape with the rest.

Zatana put up a force feild around the building so no one could leave. Artemis shot an arrow right between Sports Master's feet. He gave her a sly smirk and Superboy came down from the roof to punch him in the ground. He jumped out of way and M'gann disabled his movements through his mind. He used that doorway to breach into hers and kill her link and disable everyone connected to it.

M'gann sat up shivering. She didn't know a mere human could do such a thing. The rest of the team recovered from their short trauma but the destraction was enough to the force feild to come down and for Sports Master to escape.

"Damn it!" Artemis cursed at herself.

"It's alright. We got what we came for. We'll file a missions report and deal with him later."

"Damn it! I should have put a tracker on him!" Artemis yelled to herself.

"There's nothing we can do for know. We have to go."

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><p>Everyone sat quietly the ride home. Even Wally didn't say a word. He just stood next to Robin as close as he could. They were all scared for Robin's sake. If they couldn't kill the virus in him...<p>

"Robin...He's doomed..." Artemis broke the silence.

"Yeah, we got that! How about trying to be not so insensitive sometime!" Wally barked at her.

Robin started shaking. He was doomed. Unless he could stop the program, his molecules would break down. He would die.

Wally tried to hug him but Dick quickly shrugged him off and steped away.

"Please don't. I need some space."

He felt sick. Dick's face became pale and he felt nauseous. He had to tell Batman. There had to be something he could do.

Kaldur contacted Batman as soon as they returned. He sent him the files Robin retrieved and explained the affects.

This was worse than Bruce thought but not unexpected.

"If it's a program, then maybe we can track the activity of the stolen virus." He was already on to work with that while reviewing the research files in hopes to find a way to shut down the program. It obviously had a strict goals if it wouldn't allow for any modifications, Dick's hair. And if it wasn't programmed for Dick's DNA specifically, then it could destroy his molecules faster than expected.

The assumption made Bruce more uneasy about the situation. It wouldn't be too hard to hack the program and shut it down but he'd have to work quickly.

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><p>Dick came out of the showers feeling sicker than ever. He didn't know now much of it was the virus destroying him, and his much of it was himself worrying to death.<p>

"Hey, Rob. I think somethings wrong with you." Wally said stopping him in the middle of the hall.

"You really think, detective!? I caught a virus that's slowly killing me, but I thought I was just fine!" Dick said blowing him off.

"Hey! I may not be the most observant, but somethings not right! I mean even before we knew you were dying! What up, dude? Why are you being so distant with me?"

"Why did you think, Wally? Just being conscious is terrifying me! Not because of the virus, but just this body. Wally, I can't stand it any more! It hurts! Wally, it hurts so much!"

Dick finally snapped collapsing in Wally's arms who held him tight against his chest. Wally felt secure and Dick felt safe to cry on him. It was almost humiliating to be this weak. Dick felt so weak.

"Dick..." Wally breathed against him.

Dick pushed back from him feeling suddenly claustrophobic. "Please. Please don't touch me. I feel so dirty. I can still feel _him_ on me."

Wally didn't linger too long on the thought before figuring it out. A wave of guilt hit him and he froze not knowing what to do. The only thing he knew to do was to hold on to Dick, to keep him safe, but that's where the problem was.

"Oh my god, Dick. I'm so sorry. I would never hurt you like that."

"I-I know but..." all emotion left the trembling boys face and he looked, empty. "I'm going to die like this. I'm going to die in a disgusting body! All because I couldn't fight him off!" Dick chuckled nervously.

Wally ran to his unused room, ripping the thick blanket of the bed to wrap around Dick.

He felt a bit weird about all of this. As if He was a stranger. He felt like a stranger and Wally felt the same way. He couldn't be Wally's bestfriend anymore. He's already changed so much. Wally would be tired of him.

He collapsed to his knees in the hallway and tears threatened to fall again.

"Hey! Comon. Let's get you to bed."

Wally picked him up carrying the now crying boy to his room. He put Dick on his bed and tucked him in with two pillows. Wally knew an extra one would be comforting. As he went to leave, Dick grabbed his hand.

"Pl-please don't leave me."

Wally looked at him shocked . "Okay." He slipped in under the sheets with Dick, giving him more than half the bed as not to crowd him.

They said nothing and when Dick finally fell asleep, Wally hugged him once and left the room.

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><p><em>"Hey! Stop struggling!" <em>

_"No stop! Stop!" _

_Dick pushed against the larger boy on top of him, only to be slammed back against the wall. If only he was strong enough. He wasn't strong enough! _

_"Bruce! Bruce, help me!" He was slowly being blown away where he stood like sand. "Bruce! I can't go like this!"_

_"Shut up, bitch!" The older boy slaped him._

_Batman ran to save him. He took Dick's arm pulling him to safety but he was falling apart too fast. Dick was disintegrating and Batman couldn't save him._

_Dick! Dick, hold on to me! Robin! Robin!_

"Robin! Wake up!"

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><p>End Ch2<p>

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH A CLIFFHANGER!

Yeah, sorry about that. This chapter ran on over 5000 words so I had to cut about 2000 out. This was the best place to do it but now you have to follow!

And reviews are the pinnacle of my day!


	3. Personal experiences

**My Personal Experience With Molest**

So a guest comment said they found this had to many sexist veiws but alot of this was what I remembered from past experiences.

I use to go to a private elementary school but then graduated to a public junir high in a bad town. Middle school boys are arrogant and aggressive. The only friend I had at the time use to casually grope me and I felt really bad about it but didn't know it was wrong or something I had to report. One day I finally told him to stop and he pushed me to the ground and really hurt me. In my head I felt weaker than I actually was because I let him beat me down and tell me that no guy would want me. We were in gym class when that happened and the PE teacher made excuses for him and said I shouldn't have been teasing.

After that he spread rumors around that I was a slut that could be bought and so more boys came around being more aggressive. Girls would grab my ass and pull my hair and there was nothing I could do because I felt so weak. The entire time I thought it was a game they played to haze out the new kids. The worst part was when I finally gave in and just got so use to it, that I'd let people touch me whenever they wanted.

A year later it hit me again and I became really depresed for a while because I could still feel them on me and that's what hurt the most. I would take scalding shower to burn them off of me but when I slept, I could feel them everywhere.

Refering back to Dick, I wrote my experiences as his.

Writing this story was almost hard for me and a huge emotional trip. But I'll gladly exploit my traumas for other people's enjoyment.

Please keep reviewing throughout the piece. Well, if Dick Grayson reviewed him self off a cliff, would you do the same? Hell yeah!


	4. Chapter 4

**(Dramatically) PREVIOUSLY ON HOW COULD I EVER LOVE ME:**

"Hey, Rob. I think there's something wrong with you?"

"You really think, detective!? I caught a virus that's slowly killing me, but I thought I was just fine!" Dick said blowing him off.

"Please. Please don't touch me. I feel so dirty. I can still feel _him_ on me."

"Oh my god, Dick. I'm so sorry. I would never hurt you like that."

"Pl-please don't leave me."

_Dick! Dick, hold on to me! Robin! Robin!_

"Robin! Wake up!"

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 3<span>

The boy's eyes snapped open and he gasped realizing he wasn't breathing. Batman stood over his bed looking as concerned as Batman could look. Wally was on the other side with a worried face.

"Rob, what was happening in your head!"

Dick started trembling all over again clinging on to Batmam who wrapped him back in his blanket.

"I-It was him! He hurt me... he was hurting me. Bruce, The virus, I'm dying!"

"No you're not." The brooding bat said pulling out a case with a needle. He injected Dick with a liquid that burns as it went in.

Dick shut his eyes tightly, hissing at the pain.

"Ggahh! What is this?"

"A virus for the virus. It should hack the program in you and be controllable. You're hormone levels were fluctuating in response to the situation. It could have been dangerous for you. The program runs a strict course and the harder it works, the faster you're molecules would have broken down. You need to rest until the prorgram is rewritten."

Dick nodded as Batman left the dark room.

Wally gazed over Dick smiling sadly.

"What are you looking at?" Dick glared at him.

"You're just really hot _and _my best friend."

"You're an idiot. Wally, please don't do this to me. Go flirt with M'gann or whoever. Besides, you wouldn't think that if I weren't a girl which I'm not."

"Dick, I don't know what to do."

"What?"

"I mean, you're all sad I can't exactly hold you because of what happened, but that's all I can think to do."

"You idiot!" Dick glared at him pulling him in his blanket cacoon. "Just don't let me go. If you're holding on to me, than no one else can. No one else can hurt me." He whispered embarrassingly.

Wally turned pink, face burning with blush as he pulled Dick closer to him.

"Hn! Ggaaah! W-Wally!" Dick arched back, his eyes went wide and traumatic.

A sharp pain hit him all over, so bad, leaving him barely conscious in Wally's arms. He mumbled something incoherent making Wally nervous.

He carried Dick, running to see Batman who glared at the two.

"Get him to the infirmary!" Batman's tone was harsh and scolding.

The anti virus didn't work like it should have. The program has far better virus protection than Bruce had expected. It self destructed within Dick when it couldn't fight it off. This solved only half the problem.

In the infirmary, Batman checked Dick's vital signs and did various tests. He was looking for anymore damage that the program left after if destroyed itself, it could have killed Dick with it.

"I-Is he going to be okay?" Wally vibrated nervously.

"...For now. But he should be on constant watch."

Wally nodded rapidly at him.

"Not you." Batman glared. "I know how you can be. I don't want you to be alone with _her._"

"You think I would? -Bats, I would never do anything to hurt her- I mean him! I mean- I just want him as safe as you do! Why cant I-"

"NO!" Batman yelled loosing his temper for a moment. "I need you to leave him alone right now. Go, Wallace."

Wally sulked out of the room following Batman's orders. He took a look back at Dick, who stirred unsettling in his sleep. He wanted to stay with him so badly.

* * *

><p>Walking out to commens area, Zatana and Atremis sat blankly, stress showed on their faces. Kaldur sat it the kitchen with M'gann who was burning the earth food. All of them looked distraught and worried, and Superboy hasn't been seen since they got back.<p>

"H-hey. Good news, guys." Wally cut into their silence. "The program in Robin is dead."

Kaldur shot up, eyes anxiously worried. "What happened to the virus?"

"I-It tried to hack in but the program self distruct. R-Robin's okay though." His voice wavered.

"Wally, the virus was suppose to redirect the program. It was suppose to change Robin back, but now it can't do that since the program has failed."

Wally stood their confused. When did Kaldur get information on the virus before he did? And it worked, didn't it?

"But Rob's not dying now, sooo... isn't this a good thing?"

"You idiot! It means Robin is stuck as a girl!" Artemis yelled from the other room.

"What's so bad about that?"

"You really are clueless. Just being in that body makes Robin uncomfortable. Didn't you notice it? For being his best friend, you can't even understand what he's going through! How would you feel if you woke up as a girl?"

"I would... squeeze my breast?"

"Pervert! Mabey you should be turned into a dog!"

"Enough!"A loud low voice filled the room, it was both intimidating and comforting, as Batman walked in. "Robin will be physically fine. I have to leave for now. I trust that you all can take care of him..." Batman looked unusually distressed. It didn't help everyone else's hopes. If he wasn't okay then the how was the team suppose to be okay?

Everyone fell silent as he passed through not saying much of anything after he left.

"...Hey, Zee." The girl looked up at Wally with a sad face. He hadn't seen her look like that since her father had gone away. "Can you make a glamour charm?"

* * *

><p>Wally peeked into the infirmary were Dick was left with Red Tornado. He was hooked to a heart monitor, which made Wally even more nervous.<p>

"Hey, Rob?" Wally looked innocently at the miserable boy. The whole team came in excited to give him his gift.

"Wally, I think what Batman said-"

"Yeah, yeah! Surprise!" Wally cut him off revealing the glamour charm on a masculine band from behind his back.

"Wally! This isn't even funny!" Dick looked at him obviously upset now. "I'm not a girl! Why would I ever wear that?"

"Because!" Wally slipped it on Dick's finger. "It's a glamour charm!"

Zatana handed him a mirror. Dick gasped at his reflection still processing what he was seeing.

"Wally!" He shut his mouth quickly, surprised by his voice. It was his own again and familiar. "Wally!"

The excited boy hugged his best friend tightly, unable to let go. He was almost afraid to, hoping that it wasn't a dream.

"Dick... what did Bats say?" Wally asked, almost apologizing for interrupting him. He was nervous for what the brooding Bat had said, afraid that the news wasn't pleasant.

Dick let go of the him sitting back in bed looking at his hands.

"Batman said that... he said... I shouldn't be as close to you as I am." He whispered hurtfully. "I mean. Were best friends Walls, but maybe... maybe we should just be teammates."

The rest of the team shrunk away out the door as they felt tension rise in the room.

"Rob... Dick... There's no one else I can go to when I'm hurt! I want to be that person for you. I want to hold you so no one else can, so no one else can hurt you!"

Dick slouched against his pillow not wanting to be there.

"Wally, you're hurting me right now. I-I just need you to leave."

Confused, Wally left before he got angry. It was unfair. One minute they were cuddling and the next Dick friend-dumps him. He just wanted to help but now Dick wanted nothing to do with him!

* * *

><p>The distraught boy sat in the quiet room trying to identify as many creaks, and mysterious sounds as he could. Anything to forget for a moment how everything all suddenly went wrong.<p>

"Robin, you've been in a disagreement with some other teammates?" Dinah's voice brought him back to attention as she consulted him.

"It's just..."

... ..

_"NO!" Dick gasped, quickly sitting up in the bed he was placed in. _

_"Robin! Calm down!" Batman held him back from getting out of bed. _

_"Wh-wheres Wally?" Dick kept yelling in distress._

_"He's fine. You need to rest, Robin." Bruce wouldn't dare use his real name. Not here, even though for the moment, such a little comfort of familiarity was needed. "Robin... the virus didn't work. There's no way to change you back unless I recreate the program, but that's gonna take some time."_

_"But, I'm?-"_

_"Stable. You're going to be as healthy as you us to be."_

_Dick sighed in relief but his demeanour was still unsettling._

_Batman gave him look that said 'You're mind is wandering.' It was usually a scolding look, but now it was more concerned._

_"I-I'm a bit uneasy... I'm going to see Wally." Dick started, dragging out of bed to see his friend. _

_"No!" Bruce pulling him back, sighing. "You're making a decision that you don't want to make." _

_"What do you mean?" Dick looked at him confused._

_"Wallace is... too close to you, emotionally. You know how he is. Now that you're... how you are, he may cross the line of your friendship and I'm sure that's something neither of you want."_

_Dick looked down into his lap thinking over what he said. It didn't take any time at all to understand Bruce's point, but... he didn't want to think about it. Batman said not a word as he left Dick with his usual cold scoul that made the young boy want to disappear from him._

_... .._

"I'm just scared, afraid, nervous, _overwhelmed._"

"Of your teammates?"

"Wally... I'm getting a different vibe from him but I don't want thing to be different between us."

"That's the thing about friends, you always grow in and out of them... Robin, Wally is really worried that he's done something wrong. What you said to him... what did you mean? Is Wally hurting you?"

Dick shook his head. Not like that. Never he'd been hurt before. Wally wouldn't never hurt him.

"I'm afraid that being a girl, Wally will think of me differently. Being around him hurts because I always make him so upset. I don't want to do that to him. It's like the whole time, I was unintentional leading him on, and I never meant to hurt him like that!" His voice cracked and waverd as he tried to hold back tears now.

"Robin, you better take what I say seriously. You have talk to Wally. You hurt him more than I've ever seen him. He's in distress because of you and wants to take his own life. Regardless of your insecurities, Wally needs you so much more, so you need to be there for him and settle what ever disagreement your in."

Dick looked up to see Dinah worried and for the first time, actually angry.

He nodded before leaving the room. He had to find Wally! He may have...!

... ..

_"Wally what wrong?" _

_The fuming speedster approached Dinah_

_"Robin! He's just! What did I do wrong? I never wanted to make him so upset. But now, uggh! What do I do?"_

_"Wally, I don't understand what you're saying. What's going on?"_

_"Robin! He said I was hurting him! I don't even know what I did wrong but now he didn't even want to talk to me! He said we can't even be friends any more! I never wanted this to happen! Without Rob, I just might as well die! There's nothing else to live for!" He proclaimed dramatically._

_"Wallace! Don't you dare joke about that!" Dinah almost yelled._

_"You know, I almost do believe it! No one else needs or even want's me!"_

_"What about your uncle? Wally, what about the team?" _

_Wally fell quite._

_"We still need you Wally! So don't you Dare! say that no one wants you around!" Dinah looked terribly upset and Wally hadn't said anything. _

_"I'll talk to Robin, and Wally" the distressed boy looked up at her. "You need to appreciate those who care about you."_

_She left him with that, and Wally stood there unnaturally depressed. _

_... .._

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><p>End Ch 3<p>

This was my shortest chapter. Started school again so updates may only happen once a week at the most. I'm feeling uneasy about this final write but I can't change it anymore.

REVIEW!


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